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Making friends is an art that I was not always good at. In elementary school in Mexico City, I befriended the Syrian and Haitian girl who had just joined our small Mexican school. We’re still friends. However, switching to a new middle school was daunting. I could not make a single friend. Lunchtime was torture. I once received a note from four girls, thanking me for wanting to join their gang, but they declined. It was the first of many rejection letters.
Then I wanted to hang out with other crowds. At some point, this boy Jorge told me that Grisell, whom I wanted to be friends with, did not want to be my friend. That hurt. But for my gain, Jorge is a dear friend to this day, and so is Grisell. Talk about winning the lottery—for them I mean.
When I got married, my dad was surprised to find that there were 215 guests, most of whom were friends. “How do you make so many friends?” he asked. “Hell, I have maybe one or two!”
It’s a gift, dad, a gift. He’s American, and I guess he doesn’t “get” that the Hispanic blood in me just naturally craves—no, needs—friendships: comadres, compas, panas, chiles…
Making friends as a teen was not always easy. I’m grateful for the ones that have stuck, which is most of them. As adults, many people struggle to form meaningful friendships. Why is that? Is it because we’re stuck in our ways? Maybe we’re content with the old friendships we’ve built?
WARNING: Before you keep reading and think you must become a swinger or stalk people at Costco at the risk of looking creepy to make new friends as a grown-up, please know that this column was conceived to be handled with a serious dose of humor.
Where can we build friendships as adults? The workplace seems like an easy answer. After all, we spend most of our time in offices and cubicles. I’ve made plenty of friends through work—I’ve been lucky.
I made a dear friend, Laura Martínez, through Twitter. She claims I stalked her, which may be partially true, but what resulted was a true friendship that has landed me as a guest author for this column.
I recently moved to Wisconsin. The friends who were in NYC and Mexico are now far away. I’m a social person. I need people I can hang around with. One day, I was about to strike my nine thousand followers on Twitter, and I offered a coffee to that lucky person.
Cut to: This woman got the lucky number. It turns out that she lives fifteen minutes away from me and is Mexican. We have been tight ever since. We attend concerts frequently, and I love her dearly.
I also tried the NextDoor app and made two beautiful friends in their seventies. I see them a lot, and I adore them.
My neighbors are another source of friendship. I have them over, they invite me to their feasts, and even to their pool. I even made a friend when I saw her walking her dog. Our dogs have playdates.
My point is you are never too old, too secluded, or too shy to make new friends. Some might not stick—it happens. But, when they do, it’s the best thing in the world.
